Let us now learn some important coffee shop etiquette.I was recently inspired by a friend’s Facebook post from her local coffee shop: “If you are in a public place having a full on conversation on speaker phone…you are an ass.” Too far, people. Too far. As a freelancer, I do half my work in coffee shops and it’s made me acutely aware of some really poor – dare I say trashy – behavior in these public places. And I am here to help. Not that I should have to but I guess we’re not all blessed with the same levels of common sense?

YOU DO NOT LIVE HERE 

If we are Facebook friends, you may recall this experience:

Never mind that he was on a loud phone call — I will bring that up later. And never mind that his hardware was busted. This was not the last time I saw a desktop setup in a Starbucks. And It just looks ridiculous. At least he had the decency to do it at a small table but I’ve certainly seen it where the customer takes over a four-top to spread out their computer and what-have-yous. It’s just in such poor taste, people. If you don’t have a place for that at home, why do you own it?

In a discussion about this, someone suggested to me once it may be a homeless person who only had the desktop to their name and transports it to coffee shops to look for work. Well…. maybe? I suppose I can’t argue with that. I wouldn’t tell them to sell it if they’re using it to look for work or a place to live. I could actually understand a need to cling to it.

BARE FEET

Don’t do that, people. Not in a Starbucks, not in a Coffee Bean, not in any public place (see also: airplanes). Some people would argue that “my feet don’t smell,” and that it actually has health benefits to go barefoot. Okay, then stay home and take your shoes off. Close your office door and take your shoes off. But I think when I go to get a coffee and spend a couple hours doing whatever, I get to assume your feet are stanky and I don’t want them near anything I am drinking or eating. It’s gross. It’s just gross.

SOUND BARRIERS 

YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR OFFICE, YOU ARE AT STARBUCKS, STOP SHOUTING. If you’re going to have a loud phone conversation in a public place, you better be ready for me to chime in. Because I will (see that Facebook post up there for proof). Even worse? VIDEO CALLS. Why are you doing that here? It’s bad enough I hear you, now I have to hear TWO of you? NO.

Also, are you watching videos or listening to music? Why aren’t you using headphones?! COME ON.

SHARING SPACE

Let’s be courteous here, people. If you are a party of one, you do not need to hog a big table for four. And if you sit at one of those, I hope you are prepared to share your space with another individual. That’s the coffee shop common courtesy law. Also? Don’t hog the outlets. If you’re at 100%, let someone else plug in for a bit, would you?

What did I miss? For example, how do you feel about people who “camp” at the coffee shop – that set up and stay for hours and hours? People who only buy one little thing? Is tipping required? Do tell in the comments, please.