Yes, this is what it’s come down to. The Solar Eclipse and boobs. As a blogger, you see a lot of nutty pitches. But this one really takes the cake and who am I to pass up such a golden opportunity for special coverage of a timely topic?
Please note nothing here has been altered although I have removed some of the extraneous information because no one wants to read three-page pitch. And you will know when I am inserting my own commentary.
5 LESSONS THE SOLAR ECLIPSE TEACHES ABOUT BREAST AUGMENTATION
Yes, you read that right.
With the Solar Eclipse fast approaching, many are excited for this once in a lifetime event. People are learning as much as they can about this phenomenon, buying special viewing glasses, and making arrangements so this will be an enjoyable and memorable event. Below are 5 lessons the Solar Eclipse can teach about breast augmentation in Nashville TN.
First of all, a grammatical pet peeve of mine. When you include any number under 10 in copy, you spell it out. So ‘5’ should be written out as ‘five.’ There, I feel better now.
Then, to be clear here, because my friends and I had to double check, augmentation refers to a breast enlargement. Beyond that, I don’t really know what else to tell you. I guess in Nashville they take special pride in a boob job? I can only conclude there are environmental concerns in music city that arouse special needs for those with breast implants.
Don’t let large your Nashville TN breast implants act like an Eclipse
Can we all just agree this sentence doesn’t even make SENSE? “Don’t let large…???”
Before we get too far into this article, let’s get the jokes about large breast implants eclipsing our vision and how too large breasts can cause blindness and all that out of the way. However, when we look at this in a more serious note, some of these puns might actually be decent advice. Just like staring at the eclipse for too long can damage your eyes, looking at enormously oversized implants can “hurt” our vision as well. When breast implants are placed that are too big for your body, they look ridiculously unnatural and damage your overall result. This type of “totality” (where all one notices are your breasts) may be just like the Solar Eclipse…short lived and anticlimactic. You may enjoy the exaggerated results initially, but over time the excitement of it wares thin….
I’m going to stop there. I can’t take anymore puns. ARE THEY REALLY WRITING THIS WITH A STRAIGHT FACE? I honestly can’t….
As a publicist, it occurs to me there are two ways this went down. Either the client insisted upon it and the publicist felt like they could not say no and had to execute the pitch, OR, the publicist suggested it to the client. Either way, both parties should be embarrassed. This is absurd. It’s a reach, to say the least, bringing new meaning to the word “pandering.”
I have further removed a paragraph that compares doing your research on where to view the eclipse and where to have your breast augmentation in Nashville. Because there was no more room for my eyes to roll back into my head any further.
Logistical Preparation is a Must
Aside from the intellectual preparation needed, many will need to do logistical prep work as well. People have made special arrangements to be off from work to view the eclipse. You and/or your significant other might need to do the same for surgery. Obviously, if you don’t show up, you won’t have the surgery. But, it is also important to have someone available to help take care of you as you recover. This might mean logistics of scheduling time off from work, arranging childcare, scheduling meals in advance, or all of the above. A little prep work ahead of time is recommended from your award-winning plastic surgeon in Nashville, TN in order to prevent large logistical headaches after the fact.
Naturally the time you need to take off to view a 20-minute eclipse and the time you take off for a major medical procedure are comparable. Please make sure you fill out all the relevant paperwork with your HR department either way. #ProTip
Special Instruments Are Needed
In this paragraph, be prepared for the most ginormous reach in PR pitching history….
[REDACTED] Just like viewing the eclipse without the recommended glasses can lead to long term damage, so too can accepting lesser quality materials being placed inside your body during breast augmentation surgery.
Let’s revisit those annoying analogies we had to stuff for the SATs, guys. Think about this. Researching a flimsy pair of eclipse glasses they are selling for $3.99 at the local convenient mart is to healthful eclipse viewing as important doctor and equipment research is to critical health care data.
YES. YES PRACTICALLY THE SAME THING. ALSO, make sure if you get the right glasses for eclipse-viewing, you get the right kind of dog food for your pet, the appropriate shoes for your next hike, and the headphones with the best audio quality.
Any comparison is now valid. All bets are off.
Once in a Lifetime Event
Many tout this Solar Eclipse as a once in a lifetime event, but in all reality, many variables exist in our lives and we don’t really know if that’s accurate or not… The same may be true for breast augmentation surgery. While the idea of needing to replace breast implants every 10-15 years if only really applicable in lesser-used saline implants, the idea that one will never have to undergo breast surgery in her life is unpredictable….
WAIT. WHAT??? What dafuq did I just read?
Bonus: Viewing party may be fun.
Ok so we started with the jokes and we’ll end with the jokes.
Believe me, dude. This whole thing has been a joke, I assure you.
But the underlying message is still applicable: enjoy the results. While you may not have the full blown breast augmentation viewing party like many are doing for the eclipse (although you’d be surprised how many like to show them off after their surgery), since this is an elective surgery, I do encourage all of my patients to take some time to enjoy their results….
This is when I realize this whole thing was, in fact, written but the DOCTOR. By a SURGEON. I am embarrassed for him and his publicist.
And so in conclusion, I must ask all of you to never use the plastic surgeon at Music City Plastic Surgery Center. And lord have mercy, they have this article plastered (pun intended) right front-and-center of their website. If this is how seriously he takes his “craft” and how he chooses to promote his services, I beg you to accept he should not be trusted with holding your health – or your boobs – in his hands.