1. Donald Trump. Have we reached the tipping point yet? Enough already.
2. Ben Carson. Please, Dr. Carson. Tell me all about the Egyptian Pyramids…
3. One Million Moms. Because it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
4. ABC’s “The View.” I was going to say “especially Raven-Symoné” but really, it’s time.
5. Christians*. Because it’s a CUP, you guys. A friggin’ CUP.
And while I’m at it, I give you five other things Christians should actually give a shit about:
- That rash you’ve been ignoring.
- Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani — I mean, that’s a weird couple, right?
*Not all Christians, guys. Just the really insane, ignorant ones who are fixating on a RED CUP. These people need better hobbies.